Couples Therapy
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new”
Do You Feel As Though You’re Just Going Through The Motions Of Your Relationship?
Are you having trouble feeling connected or intimate with your partner?
Have responsibilities like work and raising a family kept you from spending quality time with one another?
Are you concerned that there’s no hope of rekindling the spark in your relationship?
You may feel like you woke up one day and suddenly had a pile of responsibilities. No longer in the footloose and fancy-free honeymoon period of your romance, you may have noticed life stressors progressively get in the way of your relationship. Whether a significant event fundamentally altered your bond, or you just feel like there’s not enough time in the day to devote to your partner, you’re probably concerned that you’ve grown apart and lost the connection you once had.
On top of common life transitions—like a job change, move, or death of a parent—adding kids to the mix may have shifted your relationship roles. Maybe you two have different parenting approaches, or one of you is ambivalent about having kids to begin with. Parenting is a full-time job in and of itself, so your marriage or relationship has likely been increasingly de-prioritized as the demands of childrearing and other responsibilities accumulate.
At the end of a long day, you probably look forward to some quiet time so that you can decompress or participate in self-care. With little to no energy left for date night, meaningful conversations, or sex, you may have stopped engaging with your partner on a deep level. This can make it difficult to balance the needs of your relationship, and one or both of you may be feeling neglected as your life together continues on autopilot.
You May Be Experiencing Conflict As A Result Of Your Inability To Connect
When couples feel disconnected in their partnerships, communication issues will inevitably surface. Maybe feelings of detachment or isolation have discouraged you from talking to your partner about your emotions. Or perhaps you’ve found that when you do try to address issues in the relationship, you’re met with hostility and frustration. The feelings of closeness and intimacy that once defined your connection have been replaced by resentment, uncertainty, and loneliness. And the more emotionally distant you feel from your partner, the less likely you are to share physical passion and intimacy.
However, your relationship is not doomed to simply go through the motions until death do you part. In couples therapy, you and your partner have an opportunity to reconnect on a deep and genuine level.
All Relationships Require Hard Work And Ongoing Maintenance
Interpersonal dynamics are bound to shift at every stage of a long-term relationship—whether couples are moving in together, getting married, starting a family, or navigating some other milestone. The longer couples are together, the more likely they are to observe a downward trend in desire and spontaneity. Not to mention, sleep deprivation and physical changes create desire discrepancies for new parents in particular.
Unfortunately, damaging cultural norms and expectations place additional pressure on relationships. Media depictions of sex and intimacy would have us think that ceaseless passion, little foreplay, and male-led interactions are the criteria for sexual satisfaction. And porn has dramatically impacted the way we think about and experience sex.
Technology is also a culprit when it comes to couples’ perception of their relationship. In comparing their experience to the “ideal” relationships they see on social media and among their friends, couples run the risk of assuming that they are less happy and connected than others.
Yet, the truth is that all couples encounter communication issues and disconnection at some point in their relationship. And in fact, many marriage and relationship problems can themselves be attributed to phones and other electronics creating barriers to spending quality time together.
Old Relationship Habits Die Hard
When communication issues and other common marriage problems arise, couples often fall into old, counterproductive patterns as emotions run high. They don’t realize that what they’ve created is a relationship system that can be changed.
Adjusting your relationship’s approach to stress, conflict, and dialogue may not feel immediately comfortable or intuitive, but I am an experienced couples therapist who can help. In the space of counseling, you can come together as a couple to learn and practice healthier, more satisfying ways of connecting.
Couples Therapy Creates New Possibilities For Your Relationship
If you often experience tension or disconnection as a couple, your home environment is probably a space where you’re used to feeling emotionally charged or stuck. But couples therapy creates a new, more neutral space in your relationship to reconnect and have difficult conversations. Working with a therapist, you can pause, gain clarity and perspective on the issue, and come together to problem-solve as a couple.
As a certified counselor and licensed sex therapist, I specialize in helping relationships of all kinds find harmony, balance, and mutual understanding. Whether you’re in a long-term marriage, a polyamorous relationship, or navigating issues as a gay, lesbian, or queer couple, counseling can strengthen your bond and enhance your communication.
My Approach
Though I work with a variety of couples and tailor counseling to meet the needs of each unique client, the intake process is fairly standard. In our first appointment, you and your partner(s) will come together for a 90-minute couples session. Following that, each of you will have an individual 60-minute session with me so that I can understand your history, perspectives, and goals on a deeper level. After that, all remaining couples therapy sessions will be done with all partners present.
I use a combination of psychoeducation and motivational interviewing to dispel certain sex and relationship myths while incorporating evidence-based therapeutic techniques to bolster communication and stress management. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help you examine counterproductive patterns while targeting trauma at its source.
With my solution-oriented approach to couples therapy, you can learn to reprioritize your relationship in a meaningful way. Not only will you and your partner enhance your emotional connection—your physical connection will be rekindled as well. As you learn to make more quality time for one another and redefine the terms of your affection, you’ll see that your sex life will become more spontaneous, fun, and pleasurable. The more you understand the sexual and nonsexual components of your relationship, the more you’ll be able to meet your partner’s needs.
If you have recognized problems in your marriage or relationship and are willing to do the work in counseling, you can see that therapy creates new possibilities for your future together. With increased communication, connection, and satisfaction, you and your partner will both feel more fulfilled in the relationship.
Curious About Couples Counseling But Still Not Sure?
We’ve already tried couples therapy and it didn’t work.
It’s important for couples to feel comfortable and mesh well with their therapist in order to see progress. Not every couple is ready for marriage counseling at first, and it’s common for partners to “slip up” by falling into old patterns after being out of therapy for some time.
Creating a specific plan, being intentional, and participating in contained check-ins with an experienced couples counselor can prevent these setbacks from happening. And because I am a certified sex therapist, I have additional expertise in intimacy that can strengthen your emotional and physical connection.
It’s my experience that if the therapist is the right fit and both partners are willing to do the work, couples therapy will be successful.
If you’re a sex therapist, won’t we just talk about sex the whole time in marriage counseling?
Sex is certainly not a topic we avoid in couples therapy, but it will not be the only matter we discuss in counseling. I will make sure that you and your partner feel comfortable, pacing the process of laying a solid foundation before addressing sexual intimacy issues. I believe that all parts of the relationship are important, so we will discuss sex as it becomes relevant in identifying solutions.
My partner isn’t ready for couples counseling.
If your partner is not yet prepared for the work of couples therapy, it may be necessary for one or both of you to seek individual counseling before meeting as a couple. Individual counseling can help demystify the therapeutic process while allowing you to clarify your short- and long-term goals for the relationship. Once that work has been done, both of you will be ready for couples therapy.
Your relationship is only as strong as the individuals in it, so it’s important that you and your partner(s) are willing, ready, and committed to counseling before starting the process.
Take Your Relationship Off Autopilot
If you’re experiencing disconnection or communication issues in your marriage or relationship, couples therapy through Elm Tree Counseling can help you both get on the same page again.
To learn more, please schedule a free phone consultation or reach out via my contact page.
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