Our attachment style is created early on in our childhood based on the relationships we have with our primary caregivers. The attachment style we learn young is the same attachment we have in our adult relationships. As a child, if your needs are met and you experience a safe, healthy relationship with your caregivers, you develop a secure attachment. On the other hand, if you learned that your caregivers were unreliable and did not provide comfort or basic needs, an insecure attachment is created. It is helpful to know you partner’s and your own attachment style and to strive for secure attachment as a couple.

Secure Attachment in Relationships:

1. Securely attached couples are often in healthy, long-lasting relationships.

2. These people are generally positive and loving to their partners.

3. Trust is a large part of the relationship and jealously is not typically an issue.

4. These individuals feel worthy of love, so external reassurance of love is not required.

Avoidant Attachment in Relationships:

1. Insecure attachment results in the inability to engage in physical and emotional intimacy.

2. Some people learn to become fiercely independent, so they don’t have to rely on others for care or support.

3. These people struggle with vulnerability and connection.

4. They may also have a guard up to try avoiding hurt or disappointment.

Anxious Attachment in Relationships:

1. The anxious person needs a lot of reassurance from their partner.

2. Anxiety spikes when a partner with avoidant attachment is pulling away.

3. Consistency and predictability helps keep the anxious partner more calm.

4. There is a deep fear of being abandoned, rejected, or alone.

Disorganized Attachment in Relationships:

1. Partners with disorganized attachment bounce between being independent to being clingy.

2. They are often unpredictable and have confusing behaviors.

3. The push-pull feeling comes from a fear of love, but desperately wanting love.

4. They may view their partner’s behaviors as unpredictable instead of their own.

If you are interested in learning more about how therapy can help you in relationships with others, contact me today.